He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
