happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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