I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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