What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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