Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
