Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We have started to decorate penises.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
