I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
