it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
