meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
They took my balls.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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