I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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