I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
