i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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