The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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