If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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