I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
