I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
