finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
