Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
