sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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