she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
