This dress was meant to end up on your floor
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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