I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
