Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Randomize
