My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize