the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
