Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
