i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
