yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
