Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
