I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
