My sheets look like a crime scene.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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