Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
