i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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