I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
