Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
