Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
