I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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