I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I can text with my tongue
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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