how can u be prego again
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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