my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize