New invention idea: vibrating tampons
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
