Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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