I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
