I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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