I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
