wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
