Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
