I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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