Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
