Pappa wants mamma naked
Apparently you make a good broom.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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