I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
