Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
