I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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