He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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