party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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