Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
