Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
