So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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