I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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