I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
