I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
