You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
