dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
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I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
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Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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