How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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