I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
