I love black thongs
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
