I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize