So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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