So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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