Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Mom said you looked used
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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