we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
