He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize
