You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
