I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
