I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
