Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
