brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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