I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
