It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Randomize
