By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize