Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I currently don't understand fingers.
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