I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
